“You can’t work full time and be a good mom. You really need to send your kids to daycare to get the socialization. I can’t believe you co-sleep. I can’t believe you don’t co-sleep. You have to spank your kids. Don’t force your religion on your children. Your child is falling behind.”
Sound familiar to any of you? Maybe people are saying these phrases to you, or maybe you are telling yourself these things. The pressure is real. If anyone reading this knows my story, you will know that being a mother is not always a traditional thing to me. I’m a mother to my nieces and nephews, biological kids, foster children, and hopefully one day adoptive children. With that comes so many forms of mom pressure and guilt. It’s everywhere and seems like there is no escaping it! Now don’t get me wrong, in many cases people that repeat these phrases don’t mean to hurt you. In fact, I think a lot of people just feel their opinions are helpful. But, the bottom line is, the constant judgement on how a child is raised, can truly effect a mother (or father’s) mental health. I have outlined a few things to work into your life, that I feel can be life changing when dealing with the dreaded mom guilt.
Boundaries
I think setting boundaries is the key to dealing with others that constantly provide their opinions regarding your parenting. It’s important to set boundaries with every single person in your life. Whether that be a friend, sibling, parent, in law, or even your spouse. It’s not a bad thing!! It’s actually very beneficial to keeping long, healthy relationships. Boundaries by Cloud and Townsend is a wonderful book to help you create these boundaries. It’s not super long and it’s an easy read. I have learned so much from it. If you’re struggling with any of this in your relationships I highly recommend starting there.
Self care and Confidence
If you want to be the best mother you can be, self care is a MUST. This doesn’t have to mean going to the spa every week. (although I wish it did!) There are simple things you can do each week or even each day. Try to get up early and read your Bible, listen to a podcast, or have your coffee while watching your favorite show. If you’re not an early riser, then try to stay up an hour after your kids go to bed. It doesn’t matter when you do it, just make sure you have some ME time. I also highly recommend getting a workout in. Even if it’s only 10 minutes on a bike, or 15 minute yoga. Your body, your mental health, and your happiness is the single most important part of being a good parent.
Community
Before I was a parent, I didn’t realize how much I would need community in order to function daily! This doesn’t mean you have to be a part of a “mom group”. I have a best friend that I talk to every single morning! Of course, we work together too, but we try to spend at least 10 minutes before every work call to chat about our lives. Don’t tell our husbands, but usually that 10 minutes turns into 2 hours….oops. I also have a cousin I truly feel like is another mom to my kids. Our husbands conveniently work a similar schedule on third shift, so we take turns spending the night at each other’s homes. Not only does it allow our kids to play together, it gives us some adult time. Which usually consists of eating ice cream and watching shows. Also, if you want to tap into the lives of other mamas, click here to join The Mom Loop VIP Page. You can read lots of blogs about our mom fails, or successful hacks.
Find the humor
I have NO doubt that our Loving God has a sense of humor. He gave me a child that never sleeps, has a temper, destroys everything in my home. He knew very well that I like to sleep, I like a clean house, and I have zero patience. It’s almost like he purposefully created my child to torment me on a daily basis! But as much as I go insane, I love my boys so much and just try to find humor in things. Sure, my 3 year old may go around peeing on the neighbors flowers, but eh, whatever keeps him happy. The neighbors know when I have my mommin’ T on to just give me some grace.
Be intentional
The last thing I’m going to mention to get over the mom guilt, is to be intentional. No matter where you work or what your day looks like, try to take 30 minutes a couple times a day, to put your phone down and play with your kids. I like to schedule those times and set an alarm so I can focus on nothing else but them. You will feel so much better at the end of the day if you know you took 4 times out of your day to have uninterrupted time with your kids.
There you have it! Do these things and you will never have mom guilt again! HAHA! Don’t we wish it were that simple? The fact of the matter is, it comes with being a mother. We just need to be able to work with it and learn how to overcome certain feelings. Remember, YOUR physical and mental health are the most important part of being a great mom.
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